The 11 yr old girl




"The  11  year  old  girl  stands  by  the  edge  of  the  pool,  the  cool  blue  water  dazzling  with  life  as  the  sun  tickles  its  surface.  
There  is  no  breeze  and  her  hair  sticks  to  her  face  in  the  summer  heat.  Behind  her  she  can  hear  the  excited  voices  and  chattering  of  all  the  other  children  as  they  in  turn  each  make  their  way  along  in  the  queue  and  through  the  gates  to  join  in  the  excitement  of  this,  the  first  day   the  pool  is  open  for  the  summer. 

She  can  feel  the  excitement  building  inside  of  her  entire  being,  she  looks  down  at  the  beautiful,  brightly  coloured  new  two  piece  swimsuit  her  ever  loving  and  thoughtful  mother  had  surprised  her  with  on  this  very  day,  and  smiles,  it  perfectly  matches  the  excitement  of  the  day. 

The  sun  no  longer  seems  sweltering  but  rather  deliciously  warm  as  it  basks  everything  with  its  glow  of  happiness.  She  places  her  bag  on  the  soft  grass,  under  the  shade  and  returns  to  the  water’s  edge.  She  knows  she  should  wait  for  her  friends  but  she  is  so  filled  with  delight  and  thinking  of  nothing  but  the  very  moment  she  is  in,  as  she  is  overcome  by  the  temptation  of  the  inviting  water  and  stretches  her  body  fully  and  completely  unselfconsciously  into  what  she  believes  to  be  a  graceful  and  elegant  dive  into  that  wonderful  water. 
All  at  once  she  is  overcome  with  an  aliveness  and  contentment  as  she  moves  through  the water,  she  bursts  through  the surface,  her  face  covered  in  a  contented  grin  of  pure  and  complete  joy. 
It  is  because  she is  so  overwhelmed  by  the  utter  delight  of  the  moment  and  all  the  glorious  sensations  that  she  is  not  at  first  even  aware  of  the  small  group  of  slightly older  girls  by  the  pools  edge. 
Their  laughter  and  pointing  grabs  her  attention  as  some  of  what  they  are  saying  suddenly  becomes  apparent. 
"What  is  she  thinking,  wearing  a  two  piece!",  "Fat  and  ugly  girls  should  not  be  allowed  to  the  pool".  So  caught  off  guard  is  she,  so  taken  aback  that  her  11  year  old  self  does  not  know  how  to  react.  She  leaves  the  pool,  on  this  day,  this  day  that  was  so  important,  and  felt  so  exciting  and  magical,  this  day  that  she  and  friends  and  been  so  impatiently  waiting  for,  for  what  had  seemed  like  forever. 



She  tells  her  confused  friends  that  she  does  not  feel  well. She  walks  calmly  and  quietly  most  of  the  way  home,  until  she  reaches  the  quiet  secret  spot  she  has  spent  so  many  a  wonderful  day  with  her  good  friends,  it  is  there  where  she  feels  safe  and  alone  that  she  releases  her  hurt  and  weeps  uncontrollably  against  her  beloved  favourite  tree  until  her  young  body  can  cry  no  more. 

She  had  always  known  she  was  not  a  small  girl,  always  been  described  as  'solid',  but  it  was  not  until  this  very  moment  that  she  had  ever  been  truly  ashamed  of  how  she  looked  and  felt  such  intensely  awful  feelings  of  herself. 
She  went  home  that  day,  but  didn't  tell  her  mother  of  whom  she  was  close  to,  she  never  told  her  friends. 
She kept the hurt inside. 
A  ball  of  hurt  that  would  grow  and  follow  her  into  adulthood,  effecting  her  self-confidence  and  starting  an  all-consuming  obsession  with  her  weight  and  food,  and  keep  her  from  ever  truly  feeling  completely  happy  and  loved.

When  she  was  blessed  with  a  daughter  of  her  own,  she  was  inspired  and  moved  by  this  beautiful,  pure  and  precious  girl,  so  full  of  radiance,  so  full  of  life. 

She made a decision. 

She was  going  to  change  her  life.  She  was  going  to  embrace  a  healthy  and  active  lifestyle  and  become  a  positive  role  model  to  this  precious  baby  girl,  she  would  show  her  daughter  that  you  can  achieve  amazing  things  when  your  heart  is  in  it,  she  was  going  to  find  herself  belief,  find  her  inner  beauty,  find  her  inner  strengths  and  be  the  great  woman  that  the  11  year  old  girl  had  always  wanted  to  become,  and  she  did.


I  was  that  11  year  old  girl  "


My journey has never been an always smooth one or a perfect one. It has had ups and downs like most people, but I am always grateful for this experience in my life and for the fact that I do have a body type that truly does put on weight so easily, yes, I am grateful for that element in my DNA because that has made me a stronger version of myself, it has given me awareness of my body which I might not have personally had otherwise and made me aware of what does and doesn't serve my body well.
It has made health a big focus in my life, it makes me feel really proud when I am in fit, toned and in top healthy form, made me really proud when I lost 30 kilos'after baby number one and 22 after baby number 2, the old fashioned way, no tricks or fast fads just lots of exercise and eating well, it gave me inner strength when I faced my hardest challenge of all battling a full on virus and the triggered auto immune dis-ease reaction in my body after it, through the medication that helped me but made me gain weight, it gave me the strength to never give up on myself, to know I will get back to fit and healthy.
It makes me always determined and 
motivated to get back there, even when it is hard, even when battling illness or injury or life's emotional roller coaster, it drives me to get back to being healthy and happy,strong and fit,  it makes it important to me, it has made me grow, it has made me, me.


Bek XX 

34 comments:

  1. Bek thank you for sharing that sensitive story. my almost 9yo is similar body type - sporty solid and never fully lost her tummy from toddlerhood. she is sensitive to this and sucks in her tummy on occasion and i make sure she knows she is wonderful... but do worry as she gets older. Older girls can be so cruel and i am sorry for what they said about you - good on you for being healthy and active though xxx

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    1. Thanks Deb, it is a hard place when we worry about our girls, with two myself I am acutely aware, growing up girls really can be so cruel to other girls. I think the best thing we can do is to fill that confidence jar and love and nurture and be there and be a positive example with real girlfriends and a healthy attitude to life and body image..
      I'm not sorry it happened to me, I think if it hadn't happened I wouldn't be who I am today, I certainly would never have realised I actually loved lifting weights and exercising, that healthy food could be delicious and fun, I probably would not have got into organics and healing foods either. I wouldn't have seen how strong and determined I could be. I am only sorry it took me so long and a very troubled teenage years and fragile relationship with food (not eating food to be exact) to realise I had such strength in me all along, that we all do and that real beauty comes from within us XXX

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  2. A powerful story Bek! The saying sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me is so untrue. Words can be so hurtful, inspirational that you have turned it into a positive in your life!

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    1. Thanks Stephanie!
      I think so often in life we can go through things, especially when it involves other people hurting us emotionally and then look back and realise actually how much we learnt from that, how that propelled us in a new direction or with new energy and focus.
      The silver linings! XX

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  3. Bek this story wants me to reach out and give you a hug. I really believe some children do not understand how much they can hurt. Some little off hand comments I received when I was a child still hurt me today and affect my confidence. I'm trying to set a good example and also teach my kids to think before they talk xx

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    1. Oh thanks Annaleis! You are gorgeous! I am feeling a lovely virtual hug right about now :) You are so right, kids don't mean to really hurt I don't think, it is just remarks on the spur of the moment or even sometimes trying to be funny etc and some of us are more sensitve than others too and take things to heart more as well I guess.
      I am always telling my two there is no fun in making fun of anybody Xxx

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  4. Bek you are such an inspiration, that must have been horrific to hear, kids can be so cruel. I try so hard to make sure my kids know what they say can hurt people deeply. Thanks for sharing your heartfelt and subsequent AWESOMENESS xx

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    1. Oh thank you so much Emily!!!
      You are such a great mum - I really lie to think this new generation is much more aware and caring XX

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  5. I see bullying in one form or another between kids every day at school - parents really need to have conversations with their kids and explain appropriate behaviour.
    My little one is a solid little girl at two - I hope she can grow up not caring what other people think, swimming if she feels like it and wearing her threads with confidence.
    Your decision to embrace positivity and activity is the BEST advice I've heard all day. I love this post. X

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    1. Thanks so much Robomum!
      I was shocked to see at my oldest kindergarten, well the whole clique thing anyway, when she was 4, it can start so young, but I think people are becoming more and more aware and they talk about it at schools now too which is great.
      I too think about it with my girls so I try really hard to make them have fun and do what feels good and not be caught up with mirrors and magazines.

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  6. I really liked the way you have written this. I really want to say thanks to share such a nice stuff to us.

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  7. Those bullies don't think of what they're saying. They don't know that they're already hurting other people because of what they're saying. I admire you for being strong and changing yourself.
    Inspiration article

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    1. Thanks Jessica! And your right they really don't realise and I don;t believe anyone truly would if they knew, thankfully there is so much more awareness around now which is wonderful XX

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  8. what an inspirational story..! and I will share this story..
    clap! clap! clap!
    Inspirational Articles

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  9. Wow Bek! You are such an inspiration! You should be so proud of yourself and all that you have achieved! xxx

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  10. You are amazing and I am so proud of you. xxxxxxx

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  11. Oh Bek. :( Go back to that beautiful day, return as your adult self and give whatever that 11 year old girl needed at that moment, whatever it may be. Show her in her reflection her true beauty that shone brightly, and was what those girls were envious of.
    xo

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    1. Thank you Kelly!
      I will make some time kid free this week and do just that XXX

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  12. oh lovely. What a tough time for you. Thank you for being able to share it now. I am sure that there are mothers and daughters that will find so much comfort in your words.

    Leaving some fairy wishes and butterfly kisses from #teamIBOT

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    1. Thanks Rhianna, I am truly very ok with it all now and thankful for it how it shaped my life XX

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  13. Brilliant writing Bek, I thought as I was reading these words they could have only come from someone who knows. It is hard when those moments as a child cut you in two and stay with you for life. I love you're attitude and positivity and what you have done with that experience.

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  14. Aww, need a tissue, life can hurt sometimes! Great blog Bek and wow your site looks amazing, great Job! Hugs - Cher xxx

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  15. We would love to have you as a guest author on http://womens.linkedlocalnetwork.com

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  16. It's great to be able to learn the lessons that life teaches instead of holding resentment and refusing to change. Bless you for your courage.

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  17. Oh gosh Bek! It was so brave of you to write this and what an amazing change you have made to your life. I was overweight from about the age of 17-19 but I decided to make a change after seeing a picture of myself!

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  18. Hi Rebecca its just a nice story you have shared with us. I would like to say thanks for sharing this.

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I love that you found yourself on my blog!
Thank you reading.
Have a gorgeous day!

Rebecca X

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