Becoming a mother is many amazing things. It is the purest and deepest love you never imagined was possible. It is breathtaking joy. It is moments of treasured complete bliss marveling at this new, perfect person that loves you unconditionally and you them.
For some mum's In amongst the bubble of loving haze can creep in unwanted emotions. Anxiety, worry, fear, frustration even depression.
Sometimes when you become a mother too something almost competitive happens to you, an invisible pressure, an instinct to want to be a super mum, or to feel like you have to be a super mum, to always put on a pretence that everything is always perfect and ok because it can seem from the outside that all the others mothers you know are doing it all so perfectly, so effortlessly.
Sometimes a feeling of being inadequate can creep in, you compare yourself and your baby and children unfairly , maybe even against celebrities and often it all comes from us and our own unreasonable preconceptions anyway.
You can feel that no matter how much effort you seem to be putting in it’s just so hard to keep up with the other mothers! What am I doing wrong?
There can be this silent feeling that you have to do it all and do it all super well at all times. That you can’t have a bad day. Your child can’t be covered in mud when you arrive at the catch up, you can’t be at school drop off looking like a right mess, your children can't all catch head lice or a cold. You can't just relax even when your in the supermarket with a poo filled nappy baby or a power play creaming toddler. You should take to breastfeeding effortlessly of course. Your baby should sleep through...it can go and on.
You can create a world of pressure around yourself that saps all the joy out of the experience.
You can even feel too guilty and pressured to even just have a relaxing bliss day every so often, basking in the glow of motherhood and just being with your baby.
You can start to feel really pressured, that you should always be doing something and that your house should be spotless at all times, your baby growing at the top of the charts, hitting all the milestones early and of course sleeping all night. You should have all the latest baby must haves and you should even be juggling it all with a high flying career or making lots of money from home, while also making elaborate meals and of course looking fantastic and being back into pre-baby jeans in around 3 weeks and never skipping a beat with an ever chirpy greeting to everyone you meet.
Is it any wonder we as mothers can burn out? Get post natal depression? Get stressed? Become ill? Forget sometimes to just take a moment to just be? Forget what makes us, as an individual shine?
If you find yourself ever feeling like this, step back. Breathe. Centre yourself.
Just be the you as you are as a mother. An honest version of you. DO spend whole days just enjoying your baby, your kids, your husband, your own company. The time really does go so quickly and each moment is a precious bubble of time. Go with the flow more. Get over the things that happen beyond your control, let your children play in the dirt and climb a tree.
Have a career or be a stay at home mum-whichever YOU truly want, both are perfect choices when made from the heart.
Do things each day that make you happy, you deserve to feel happy. Cherish yourself. Have hobbies that thrill you and make you smile, ask for help when you need it-whenever you need it, follow your natural instincts with your baby, have friends over even when the house is a mess, follow a dream, enjoy stillness as well as delightful chaos, be honest with everyone who cares about you, be passionately happy, be exactly what YOU want to be.
Most of all as a mum be honest and supportive of other mums, respect each other’s choices and journeys.
Never be afraid to admit openly if you have had a horrible sleepless night, when you really need a break to your partner (before reaching a breaking point), say when you want a hand or even just a non judgemental ear to listen over a cup of coffee.
Do ask for advice when YOU want it or to talk about how you are feeling with those who support you.
Create, find or join a supportive group of mums and do swap ideas and tips with each other, laugh together, cry together, eat meals together it is amazing what we can learn from each other and the benefits this interaction really does have.
We all have our strengths and skills and sharing them with each other helps us all to grow.
Open up to the mothers around you and lest all support each other in this journey that is motherhood and above all else be the beautiful, talented, unique person that is you!
The ONLY you!
And after all a true SUPER MUM is every mum who parents with her heart!